I;m Jenel.
I made this site to post my poems.
If you don't like them , I don't mind you being truthful.
One Rule
Do NOT take my poemz , and claim them as yourz.
they are MINE.

Comment on the post below this one.
I am disableing comment;z from this one.

The poems are in order from most recent , to the oldest.
The bold-&-italic-&-underlined iz the title of the poem..
the onez that say "without a title." that iznt the title
that;s saying 'hey i havent thought of a title yet'
i am looking around and finding my old poems
and adding them as i find them
so everytime i add a new one i will put "new"
in a diffrent color

Please subscribe & comment.
You'll make me really happy.

-Update 2/6/05-

I have noticed , my poems suck...
-sigh-
so if you dont want to make ur own poem site ,
but you want to show ppl ur poems,
tell me , and i;ll post your poem's on here , i;ll give u full credit

<3

Your Subscribers
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^ Thank you all.

[[Currently Without A Title.]]
Grandma, look at me, how can you not see how much i;ve changed? the saddness in my eyes, the fakeness in my smile, the missing razorblades, the lack of eating, or do you notice, just dont have enough time to care? you give my brothers everything they want, never do they share. i try to be this perfect person, so you;ll be proud of me.. but i can;t seem to be good enough, so this is it. i give up. love me or hate me. i;m sick of careing what you think.

Forever...
[ 2- Adam ]
I've known you for only a short period of time, but I feel as if I've known you forever. I tremble with joy at your every touch. The feel of your hand taking mine - I want you to hold it forever. I glow with happiness every time you're near. I want you near me now, I want to be with you forever. My knees grow weak in your loving arms. I want to stay there, I want you to hold me forever. My body melts with every kiss you give. Just the thought of your lips on mine - I want you to kiss me forever. My heart jumps to know how much you care. Knowing that it is so much more - I want you to love me forever.

Eating Is A Sin
Food, I really hate the stuff, The smell alone makes me gyp. I’m far too fat and ugly to eat, There’s 1000’s of calories in each chip. My stomach and cheeks are really drawn in, But not far enough. My legs are too chubby and wide, My face, I refuse to stuff. Admit I have a problem? A problem, I see non-. I’m just big and ugly, My appetites just gone. I just want to be skinny, Thin and pretty too. No one will like me like this, It’s what I want to do. Nobody can stop me! You can never be too thin. Being sick is easy, Eating is a sin.

..It;s Him...
She;s confused.. Wondering if he;s gona hurt her... All these things running thru her head, Not long ago did she want to be dead. This is a chance she has to take , Hoping she;s not heading for a heartbreak. Day by day her love for him grows stronger, Her smiles are starting to last longer... When he say;s he loves her , That;s all it takes to make her day. It;s him helping her find her way.

To: My Grandmother.
Grandma, why cant you stand to see me happy? Everytime I begin to let the pain ease, The same reasoning of my pain is reborn. Grandma, Why do you let my mom hurt me? You listen to me cry myself to sleep, && never do you whipe away the tears. Grandma, Why am i so afraid to be at my own mother;s home? Maybe because I;m terrified of her fist , Or do your words hurt worse than her bruises? Grandma, Why don;t you love me? Am I really that terrible? Do I honestly make your life that bad? Grandma, I will never understand, How you can yell at someone so much , Then get mad when they yell back. I will never understand , Why you say 'you do this because you care'. Grandma, Maybe I should say goodbye to you, leave this world. I;ll slit my wrist once a day, while we;re living in this hell. Hopefully one slit is all that I need though. No more smiles... I swear. Grandma, I just want to understand.

Eating..
People make me eat things, When i don't want to eat at all. So i eat, for thier sake's not for mine. Then after i do, The guilt creeps on me like. So, i walk into the bathroom, with one thing on my mind. I am too fat. I walk into the toilet, shut the door behind me. Close my eyes, Stick my fingers down my throat, and choke. And vomit. Then, a wave of relief comes over me, And i feel so happy now! But then....guilt creeps on me yet again. I try to dodge it but it gets me. I walk out of the toilet, And give a big smile to my friends. I need to reasure them, that im fine, Because i need them. If they knew what i was doing, I wouldn't have them anymore. I feel like i'm stuck in one painful circle of Bulimia. The pain is to much to take at the moment. I hate it.

Scars
Everyday I sit here and wonder will the pain ever subside or will it haunt me forever. I sit here with a thought in my mind, that it could get better, yet I still have doubts. I look down and what do I see? I see one hand holding the razor where my blood subsides, there are now scars leaving me to remember this aweful moment.

Suicide Note;-
Sorry! For all i've done, I won't get in your way. and by the time you read this, On my death bed i'll lay. I'm worthless and lonely, So i think this is for the best. I needed to kill myself, and put myself at rest. Not like anyone will care, Or anyone will bother. I was just a silly kid, who was hated by her mother. I do not want a funeral, Don't go the expense. Just chuck me away in the rubbish, You know that it makes sense. Give all my stuff to the poor, and burn all the pictures of me. I don't want anyone to know, That i've been so cowardly.

Where Do I Belong?
I cant breathe. Cant see. Cant turn without mis-leading. && I;m lost. && I;m trapped. I;m so damn confused. Cant turn right. Cant turn left. Nobody cares about me. So alone. So depressed. But nobody knows where I belong. I laugh. && I cry. I tell the truth, and I lie. I was abused, Then adored, Then beaten to the floor. Locked behind doors. Breaking to pieces. Simple minded yet trapped in my thoughts. You left me so empty. && nobody knows && nobody cares. So I ask myself... Where do I belong? Dancing with daisies on the lonely pavement. Do i dare drive myself insane I;ll be crying in a corner wondering what I have done. An aching heart, An aching mind... So afraid to look you straight in the eye. I;ll go blind Just in time for you to say you 'love' me. Then you;ll make me ask myself, WHERE do I belong? You took my heart && bent in half. Cut down the lines, Ripped it , && shredded it to pieces. You said you loved me, Then you turned around and lied. Thought I;d believe you. But I didn;t believe you , Not once , Not twice. This starlit sunken ship you wanted me to ride, has abandoned my whole life. My heart, My soul, My prayers to lie so cold. So I;ll ask myself, Where do I belong? I don;t think I belong. I;m so alone. I don;t belong.

Just Listen
You yell You scream I cry I write My feelingz poor out of me I wish it would just sound right I wish you could just see See all the pain you cause me You think you know me You think you know what I am thinking How I feel You read my poems You say it;s good But do you honestly understand? You dont If you read it If you understood You;d see that I am hurt That I am so full of pain & emotion That I just want to die For once Please Just listen Please Just listen.

I Hate Myself
I hate myself. Everytime I look in the mirror, I wish I were dead. I wish he had taken me, instead of my love. for now I;m alone & no one gives a fuck about the way I feel cut , rip , tear , bleed... It flows, slowly it flows... I wish he had taken me Memories....memories, they haunt me. I hate myself I hate myself I hate me Look at me I;m nothing Look at me I;m nothing Forsaken.... It never occured to me that I could feel this way for so long I thought it was a phase Just a fucking phase I thought , I seriously thought eventually it would go away 4 fucking years 4 long years I;ve wanted to dissappear all of my life. I hate myself Did it ever occur to my mother That her treats would haunt my life forever All the shit she sayz All the tears How the fuck can I possibly love anything If I can't seem to love myself? The only one who cared is dead. I hate myself Waiting for the end The end of this.

Suicide Note Type Thing...
I wanted to say more, but I just bit my tounge && ran to my room, locked the door , yelling no more. went to my bathroom, I heard the phone ringing , I didn't wanna answer. I knew who it was. I knew it was you calling to tell me you were sorry once again. but your just as sorry as I am sorry that I ever met you so I opened my cabnet && grabed the razor && sliced my skin I fell to my knees && asked 'god' why... why would you want her and not me! what does she have that i dont!? I want you so bad i can taste it. I hear voices in the background, I open my eyes and see my body laying on the floor. My grandma is crying && My grandpa grabs the phone suddenly i hear the ambulance in the background, I want to tell my grandma to stop crying , it will be fine , i;ll be okay but im not , they load my body into the ambulance && I start to fade I see you running for me, but they say it;s to late, she is gone. I hear your voice over the ambulance. your screaming... "Im sorry I love you I didn;t mean to do this to you. why did i do it?" but baby dont cry , you never did before.. Baby don;t shout, you always just left to go to HER before... whats wrong now?... We never saw eachother anyway! you were ALWAYS with HER! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED? WHY DONT YOU JUST GO BACK TO HER DAMN HOUSE!? THATS WHERE YOU WERE WHEN I WAS DOING THIS! WHEN I DIED YOU WERE IN HER ARMZ!